I'm still here!

I haven't blogged in a while and I actually thought about just deleting the whole thing all together.  But I stopped because - 1- I started this blog back in 2010, in fact, about a year ago- to help get me through my first marathon (which I did!) and I would hate to simply erase everything that I thought and was feeling throughout my training -  and -2- to delete means it will basically vanish and I am not sure  I am ready for that.  It seems so definitive.   

So its not being erased from existence and  I won't be either.  I guess I am not quite finished yet and since I am only 32, I guess that is a very good thing...

In almost deleting my blog and then deciding to keep it, I also told my husband that I was going to start bloggin it up again and he simply asked - why? and what will you write about it?   This question is very valid being that again I started the blog because of running and due to heat, muscle pains and maybe just some lack of motivation, running has not been number one on my list lately. 

The Why is easy - I like to write down my thoughts and if others want to read them, I welcome this!   

And what will I write about?  Well - I said to him,

                                                                 I guess you will just have to wait and see. 

Springtime

With Spring comes change and with change comes a new perspective.  I am not sure if something tangible has changed in my life but I definitely feel like I am at some sort of crossroad.     There has been a sense of needing something different in my life.    For almost a year, I have focused on running, mileage, setting PR's and finishing strong. But I think my legs and knees need a break and its about time I listen.  I have been saying for about a month how badly I have needed a break from work.  From the everyday stress that it brings and the toll it takes on my mind and body.  So why does a break from work make so much sense while a break from running seems so wrong...  Running is work too! Damn hard work so it only makes sense that it would be time to slow down.  I look at other runners and I don't "see" them taking a break or getting injured so I tend to think, I should be able to keep on truckin along as well. However that kind of thinking is getting me into a little trouble.  Getting caught up comparing myself to others can be an evil trap and its time to climb out of it.  My body is telling me to take a little time to recuperate from all the runs-all the pavement pounding.  So I will do just that.  I know I have written about taking a break before but with my knee still not feeling 100%, I had to make a decision - either keep putting pressure on it and possibly seriously injuring myself and never being able to do the thing I love, or take a break, rest and recover so that I can run again... 

The Broad Street Run is one week away so after that 10 mile venture with my husband, I am hanging up the sneakers for a bit.  I am not sure how long but it has to be a substantial amount of time.  I will of course exercise in other ways.  I have discovered P90x and now that its nice outside, its all about cruising on my bike.  Change  is needed and perhaps these new ways of livening up the endorphins will also change my perspective on physical activity in general. 

Change doesn't have to be bad. Sometimes it is scary because it is not what we are used to but usually it ends up being ok, sometimes even better than before the change.  I am ready for something new and its all about my choices.  I can choose to hurt myself or help myself.  Seems pretty simple to me!

Happy Spring

I've got the remedy

Since I last wrote, running has gotten a lot better! I took some advice from a friend who is also a physical therapist.  He gave me some stretching tips as well as suggested strengthening my hips and glutes.  He also told me about the amazing foam roller! It helps to massage your IT band.  I use it everyday regardless of if I am running or not but I especially use it before and after a run.  It kind of hurts to massage the IT area but afterward I can definitely feel the difference.  In addition to all of that, I also bought a knee band that goes right above my knee. It helps to stabilize my knee while running.  I feel like the bionic woman between all that and the already permanent metal in my back!  But its been really positive so no complaints here...

The most I have ran is about 4.5 miles.  I have felt pretty strong so far.  I still feel some pain in my knee at times but it is not constant and I have not had to stop running.  I am still not sure about Broad Street yet.  I am trying to take one day at a time.  So things have been looking in up in the running realm and it couldn't have happened at a better time.  This time of year is very busy at work and running definitely helps to relieve my stress after a long day.  I am happy to have that as an outlet again. 

People that think the mantra of taking 'one day at a time' is just for people in alcoholics anonymous should really think again.  I know it is definitely a useful way of thinking for me.   If I think too far ahead all I end up having are false and mostly unrealistic expectations-whether it be about running or other parts of my life.  When I take a step back and remind myself to take one day at a time and sometimes even one moment at a time, I find I handle situations much better.  I am calmer and can think much clearer. 

In yoga, we are taught to think more about the present moment ~ That its all we really have.  The future is skewed by our own expectations and the past is sometimes seen with either regret or rose colored glasses.  Either way, all we have is now and I know when I think this way, I feel much better about what might be down the road. 

As promised-here are pictures of the office we fixed up - from start to finish! 

This is...IT?

 I went to the Sports Medicine Doc last week and am happy to report that my knee x-ray was clear of any injuries.  The doctor feels that I have a common running injury called - Iliotibial Band Syndrome or IBS, hahaha.  He showed me some stretches that allow me to stretch out my IT Band and he wants to do them everyday for 2 weeks, without running, and then once the 2 weeks are up, start running again as well as continuing with stretches and see if the pain subsided.  If it did, then "IBS" was the problem and if it continues, I may need to get an MRI.  

So needless to say I am happy and thankful that I did not injure myself during my marathon debut.  And there may even be another marathon in my future, down the road.  Since my last post, I have been getting into a new routine at the gym including ellipting, weights and even some classes including "bootcamp".  So there are alternatives and I am actually enjoying the change to the everyday running routine that I had been used to.  But I do miss jogging and and I do miss how I feel after completing a 6 miler or something along those lines.  But alas, there is snow on the ground and this is a great time to take a breather and explore other options.  Yoga is also something I am trying to do once a week which is great for me, both mentally and physically.  

On another note, Brian and I have been tackling some house projects such as painting and remodeling our office/guest room.  Since I started this blog and started my training, I also started taking note of all the other things I have been able to complete in my life, from start to finish as well as noting the things that I was not successful with seeing through.  You know what I am talking about, right? Things like finishing a book or a project around the house, or maybe even with keeping in touch with a long time friend!  This blog has helped me connect more with my thoughts and my commitments.  It has turned out to be about much more than just running.  From start to finish seems to have turned into a new way for me to think about my actions and follow through.  I am excited about the projects around the house and seeing the work that goes in as well as the finished product.  I am going to put some pics up soon of our office and show them - from start to finish! I am already proud of my husband's and my commitment to tackle it!

The waiting game-

I signed up for the Broad Street Run - the famous 10 miler in Philly.  I have run in it for the passed 3 years and was hoping to make this year my fourth and best Broad Street Run.  I figured, I ran a marathon so 10 miles should not be too difficult... But this was before I started having pain in my knee.  This is before, when I was running free! 

I went to my PCP and he was pretty cool.  He prescribed me an anti-inflammatory to take for 10 days.  Honestly, after only 2 days, the medication messed up my stomach pretty bad so I stopped taking it.  It just didn't seem worth it.  I mean after the second day, I ran and still had knee pain around mile 2.5 but I am not sure how fast it would work if inflammation was the issue... So I have an appt next week @ Rothman Orthopedics.  I will get an x-ray there and hopefully have some answers.  

I need answers. 

I am at the point where I am getting into another routine, gym, tan, laundry - haha just kidding... 

But seriously, I am going to the gym and doing yoga consistently so for now, I am ok with a "break" from jogging.  But I feel like I am at the point where I really want to know what to do about my knee and what is wrong with it.  Is it just a matter of rest or is it something where physical therapy will be needed or worse!  I just want to know!!

And I soon as I know, I will be sure to share...

Sitting on the sideline

I have only ran once since my last post and my knee pain was present-big time---

Thankful for a least a fun running partner to distract me from myself! We ran about 3 miles and honestly I did not feel so great.   It just made me realize that rest does not mean "run once in a while and you will be fine", it really means - take a break and don't run!

I go to the doctor tonight and I am wondering what exactly he will say.  He is just my PCP so its not like I will get an MRI or anything like that so I will not be any closer to know what is truly going on below the skin.  That being said, I also have an appointment at Rothman Orthopedics but the only appointment I could get is not for a couple weeks.   But I am happy I at least have the appointment.  It feels like a positive starting point.  I am not sure why I didn't do this when I first felt pain.  I guess just like any addict, I was in denial.  I did not want to accept that something is wrong and that there is a problem.  I think I am Finally realizing that this pain/sensation in my knee is sticking around and I need to talk to a professional about what to do (or what not to do)!

So again, I feel unsettled. I want to run! I love the feeling it gives me and it absolutely helps keep me stay in shape.  I am so envious of the people running outside and even those on the treadmill at the gym.  I look at their healthy knees and scoff at them. I think, they don't know how lucky they are! 

          

I know, I know, this is not the end of the world and overall I AM healthy.  I know things could be much, much worse.  I have put things into perspective -  However, I feel that it is SO frustrating to find that I found something that I love to do and is good for me and now I am not able to do it.  It stings to see others around town running, while I sit on the sidelines.

I finally used the elliptical and it wasn't that bad.  Kind of boring but so is the treadmill.  I did feel good after though so that helped get me out of my funk a little bit.  The fact that I at least have an appointment with a Sports-Medicine doc also makes me feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  

So, in the meantime Yoga will become a consistent part of my exercise regime as well as ellipting and maybe spinning too.  Lots of core and maybe even some weights! I am trying to be exciting about a new routine rather than pine over my old one. 

One day at a time, one step at a time.  The pavement hasn't seen the last of me.  I shall return!!

I need a new drug

Ahh - This running thing.

I thought I could just run a marathon, take a week or 2 off and be back to my old self again.  Running with a new sense of accomplishment and perhaps a spark in my step! 

This however has not been the case.  The times I have run, I feel pain in my knee.  Not right away --  Its about 3 miles in and I start to feel something not quite right on the outside of my right knee and I also feel it in the back of my knee as well.  I bought new sneakers thinking, well I surely wore out my other ones, this has to be the answer to my problem...

Wrong Answer!

Each time I run, around mile 3, a painful reminder is present and tells me that I can't go further. 

I really never thought this would happen.  Was this naive of me to think I could keep running injury free post marathon?  I tried not to think about the knee and it was a little easier during the holidays but now that it is January, it is hard not to think that I could have really messed up my body by running the marathon.  What scares me even more is if I won't be able to run anymore. Am I overreacting?

Possibly...

I have always exercised but running is what did it for me.  Running is the first activity (besides organized sports) that I have been able to commit to long term.  I did join a gym but so far have not been into the ellipting or biking.  I miss Running - leaving my house with only my ipod and not a care in the world.  I always came back home with a clear head and new perspective.  And lately although I have been running a bit, I end up feeling more stressed after because I am scared I am hurting myself more. 

Am I addicted and running is my drug?

 So what to do now--- Well I am not just going to keep running and hurt myself more.  That would not be very smart.  I made an appointment with my doc and hopefully he will point me in the right direction of what to do next.  I am thinking winter is a good time to figure out what is going on and hopefully resolve or deal with whatever the issue is.  But in the mean time, I still need that "healthy" outlet to clear my mind and keep me in shape.  I definitely have been in shape lately and I do not want that to fall to the wayside because of my negativity.  The good news is that 2 of my friends go to the gym I joined and I hope that it will be a way to see them more and also give each other the motivation we need to keep the workouts consistent.  I might try spinning class, which is pretty high energy, and I think I would be good at it.  And I will continue to do yoga as well. 

Well here it goes---

Dear Running,

You have given me many amazing gifts in 2010.  You made me see things differently in my life and showed me strength that I didn't know I had.   I want to keep this relationship going but in order for me to do that I need to take a break and figure out some things.  So,  I may not see you for a bit, but I just wanted to let you know that you will be missed.  But don't worry, I hope to be back soon and will keep going strong the best I can.

                                             Sharon