And she keeps on running...

I am not even sure how to start this entry as I haven't written in a while.  Since I wrote last, I have ran 3 times. Saturday I met my new running group, Team Philly!  We ran in Philly near Kelly Drive.  I met some great women who also are running in the marathon but went out looking for support and encouragement like me.  They seem like confident runners but many of them like me, are also taking on this new challenge.  It was nice to feel like part of something and to have people around me that were nervous about their aspiring goals that are before them.  On Saturday we went for a 6 mile run and about 6 of us stuck together and finished in exactly 60 minutes.  There was some nice conversation along they way and other times there was silence.  No one felt forced to speak but I think everyone was happy to have someone by their side. I know I was.  Although running is pretty much as individual a sport you come by, there is something to be said about having a running partner.  Sometimes just a little conversation can make a mile feel like nothing.  Yesterday, I ran with a friend and it was just like that... Before we knew it our 5 miler was complete and we both agreed it would have been harder if we were alone.  Glad it was mutual!

Overall most of these blogs seem to be pretty positive.  I think that is b/c I usually write them soon after running and have what they call a "runners high" and  plus I am really excited about my goal... But unfortunately I am not positive all the time.  I have had some ups and downs lately and although I have pushed through them I still know there is a very long road ahead of me and I am severely frightened about that challenges I still have to face.

When running, all I have is time and all I do is think.  Lately I have been thinking about roadblocks or challenges that I have had to overcome in the past. Thinking about the past has helped me remind myself that I have gotten through hard times before and I can get through this one as well.    When I was 14 I had back surgery and was out of school for over month.  It was very difficult as it was my first year in high school and I was sitting home!  I felt alone and isolated.  It was even worse once I could move around and started feeling better but  but still had to stay home.  I do remember my dad letting me go out with friends one night even though my mom didn't want me too.  He could see that I needed to go out and let go with the girls for a bit. 

Before I returned to school in November, my father died of a heart attack.  It was a life changing event and one that still affects me to this day.  It was incredibly hard going back to school only 5 days after my father's death but nothing would keep me away. I was glad to be back into a routine rather than moping around the house but little did I know this emotional roller coaster would bring on many new challenges in my life for many years to come.  I remember freshman year being very sad. I remember crying in science for no reason once and getting made fun of.  (I  now know that grief and sadness due to a loss of a loved one can come on at the strangest times.)  I think back to this time and realize it could have been much worse. I could have went down a very depressing path and made very poor choices... But I didn't. I mean, I won't sit here and say I am perfect and that I didn't go through some depression at times but overall I think I ended up learning from these experiences and am stronger for it.  And I think the best choice I ever made in my life was to play lacrosse and field hockey once I was finally allowed to play sports again as a sophomore.  I remember my friends Kate and Jana telling me I would be good at Lacrosse and wouldn't you know, I wasn't half bad. I even went on to play in college and became captain of my team at Montclair.   State Senior year. To this day I believe sports kept me out of trouble (real trouble anyway) and started me on my running path.  Ironically I despised running in college and only did it when forced but sports taught me so much about pushing myself beyond my limits and overcoming adversity! 
  I think my dad would be proud of me today and I know he will be with me while I am running.