Reflection

When you work in a school, summer ends when school begins and that first day back for me is tomorrow.  Although I worked part time in summer, starting back full force with students will surely take some time to get used to.  Transition back to work is always a process and now I am adding training for a marathon into the mix.  During the summer I was able to be a little flexible with when I would run during the day.  If it was hot it was the morning but I didn't have to get up at the crack of dawn.  Now with school starting and the added heat wave, I am not exactly sure what to do.  Tomorrow I have to run 6 miles and I think I will do this in the evening.  Last night it was very nice out, about 70 degrees so I am hoping it will be like that tomorrow night as well.  I think this may be a good time to jog and reflect on the first day of school.  And as for the rest of the days I will just see how it goes. I do not want to stress too much about the 'when'.  I know I have to stick to training and cannot use work as an excuse so it should be fine. In fact since I started running, it has helped with the stress that work can sometimes bring.  It helps clear my mind and let go of any thoughts that I have trouble shaking.


For me, summer was positive.  I didn't go on a lot of vacations and I actually spent a lot of time alone but I think for once I used most of my time pretty wisely.  My husband would say that sometimes I have trouble relaxing and 'just being' but this summer I definitely gave myself time to wind down and think I may have actually learned how to relax.  I also took time to reflect on the important things in my life and accomplishments that I am striving for.  I practiced yoga often as well as finished some tasks around the house that have been put off for some time. I think it has lit a spark in me to continue with home improvements including tasks that in my mind have been challenging in the past.


Even though there are still 12 weeks to go until the marathon, this journey has already opened up my eyes in so many ways.  I realized that even though I will be the one doing the running, I am not alone.  My husband has already shown that he will be there for me when I need him and I feel so fortunate to have him to give me that extra push when I need it.  I also am so thankful for finding the running group, Team Philly.  Having the group not only has helped to keep up with my running but meeting others who have a common goal and maybe common fears has helped to put me at ease.  Having people around me who are supportive and encouraging only makes me want to cross that finish line even more.    I know that as I start the 2010-2011 school year, my coworkers, who are amazing, will also be there to lend an ear or give me some words of encouragement when I need them. 


This Saturday our group is running the first 14 miles of the marathon.  Maybe its because its only Tuesday and Saturday still seems so far away but I don't feel nervous about it.   I will just keep telling myself to take one step at a time.  This passed week, it helped me to not think about the end of the run, to really try and stay in the moment.  I kept looking at the beautiful scenery around me and the trees that seemed to follow me for miles.  It definitely helped keep me from getting overwhelmed about the distance that was still ahead.   The soreness from this week's 12 has subsided and now I think I am ready for my next challenge.  The best part about this coming weekend is that after I complete my run I get to witness two very good friends get married! I hope I have energy to dance the night away with them and all my friends!

No turning back~

"You gotta have heart Sabatino!!" is what my college lacrosse coach use to say to me as well as the other team members. She would yell so loud when we were on the field, pounding her chest, yelling about digging deep and using our hearts.  She was a tough woman and made sure we stayed tough too.
 I thought about coach as I got to my 10th mile today. I was starting to hit the wall but knew I had 2 more to go.  I heard her voice and remembered that she believed in me and in our team. One game sticks in my mind. It was a rough one vs Trenton State and we lost. She was angry but during our 'after game talk' I remember her telling the team or maybe yelling at our team that more of them needed to be like Sabatino - "even when she falls she gets back up"
So Coach Whitcomb may never know it but she helped me complete 12 miles today. I used my strength but also used my heart.  It was a powerful moment for me to finish. I had been very nervous in the morning. I am not even sure why. It did hurt and I am sore but this feeling I have now makes it so worth it.     

Mind over body

I took a short break from writing my blog and went on a much needed vacation to rehoboth with my husband.  We had a wonderful time away. I am happy to say I stuck with my training during the week and was happy that I stayed committed to my goal.  I definitely tried to eat healthy but hey, it's vacation so I indulged a bit.   

Two runs stick in my mind from the week. The first was a five miler that I ran on Wednesday. It rained and was only about 70 degrees. At times the rain was pouring in sheets and I wondered if I would get out there at all.  Finally when I saw a lull in the rain I went for it.  To my surprise it was fun! Now many people love running but it is rarely described as fun. But on Wednesday as I dodged puddles and ran down the empty rehoboth ave that is usually packed with people, I started to smile.  I was loving how light my footsteps felt and how quick my pace was.  For once I wasn't worried about the heat or sun. Nothing mattered as I tore down the streets feeling free. As I passed by the few that were out, I know some were wondering what I could possibly have to be happy about but I say to them - go for a jog and find out!!
I would have liked to report that all my runs for the week were that exciting and enjoyable but unfortunately that was not the case.   Friday I set out to run 10 miles which was my long run for the week. I have run 10 miles before but for some reason was nervous about this run.  It was sunny and only around 7 am when I left the house but I knew it was going to get hot.  But I kept pushing and knew I would get relief once I made it to my destination, Breakwater Trail.  When i got to the trail it immediately lifted my spirits as it was shady and cool amongst the trees. Some sun was also present at times but I kept tugging along.  My legs started to feel tight around mile five and told myself I shouldn't have went on that bike ride the day before. I started to become tired and was feeling negative. I got to mile 6 and wondered if I would finish bc the end still seemed so far away...
Then in the distance I saw someone taking pictures and realized it was my husband. He had gone for a bike ride on the trail and found me. I was so happy to see him and asked if he would ride next to me as I jogged. He stayed with me for about the next 2 miles and his company helped so much. We weren't constantly talking but having him next to me got me out of my funk.  I stopped thinking negatively and together we enjoyed the beautiful scenes around us. After he left to go take some shots at the beach, I was able to hold on and complete the 10 mile task. I think I still would have finished if Brian didn't meet up with me on the trail but his presence helped lift me from the negative place my mind was headed. 

Later that day we went to the beach and I sat in my chair with a sense of pride. As I stared into the ocean and thought about the marathon and  my 10 miles, I realized that anything in this world is possible and that I Can do this. What I need to remind myself of is that it won't always be enjoyable and I may not always be smiling but in order to get to the end I believe there must be some struggle and suffering along the way.  If it was all so easy, what would be the point?   

Driven

As we drive in the car on our way to Rehoboth beach, I have a lot of time to reflect on today's run and the week so why not blog about it!
Today I met up with Team Philly for our weekly distance run. Today's challenge- the loop at Kelly drive, which is 8.6 miles! First of all the weather was amazing today. It was about 75 degrees and breezy. A runner couldn't ask for better weather. I did not bring my iPod and instead ran and chatted with another woman training for the race. I also ran with her last week as well so it was nice to catch up and talk about how we are progressing with the training. It seemed to work out well for us today.

I think overall I felt strong during the first 7 miles. I enjoyed the views and the light conversation. With only a mile left, I suddenly felt tired and knew I needed fuel, which I did not bring. ( I must remember this for next time.)
Having someone to run with definitely helped me finish today. If I was by myself, I may have given up and started walking. I really wanted to stop at one point... But as we approached our finish line we both picked it up and sprinted to the end. What a feeling it was to complete the loop! I have always thought about running it but have never attempted it. So I am heading down to my beachy destination today with a clear mind and strong body.

Usually before a vacation, I get anxiety about packing, not forgetting anything and everything else that revolves around planning. Today I let It all go. My husband was in charge and when I came home the car was packed, the bikes were on the car and we were ready to go!
it's nice to know as distances increase, my husband will continue to support me and help
anyway he can so that I am able to accomplish what I set out to do.
Today I feel lucky.

Holding my own

Thanks for the comments from my last post. It seems like this journey has brought me to places that I did not expect.   This blog is about my thoughts and lately I have been thinking a lot about my dad so I felt it was important to share. 

 With painting a few rooms in our house, its also brought about some cleaning and is probably one of the reasons I have been thinking about my dad more lately.  I had been looking through some things last week and came upon a few letters that family members wrote me after I requested some stories about my dad. I think I requested this was back when it was the 10 year anniversary of his death. The letters were great though! One trait of his that remained consistent throughout the stories was his boisterous laugh and how he exuded his 'good time attitude' on to others.  I would like to think that I have that similar trait as well and it makes me smile.

Running update: I am scared out of my mind and really went into a panic last night as I dissected my training schedule.  Its intense to say the least.  Seems like the peak of all the miles are in October but September is going to be rough too.  November ironically will be when my runs start to taper so it actually shouldn't be that bad except to know on the 21st I will have to do the big  "26.2"-- I can imagine November is going to be full of nervous energy! Maybe I should clean out more boxes that month or paint another room!  I am trying to take one day at a time instead of looking too far ahead.  Each day of running and training is another check in the success column.  Reminder: Enjoy this moment and every one after of my training - the highs and the lows. 

Today I ran 4 miles with a friend.  The same friend as I ran with on Monday. We again agreed it was a lot easier when running together and we both admitted we might not have done it if left alone to our own devices.  I am happy and grateful to have friends to run with.  I only hope they keep running with me as distances increase. 

After my run, I felt good. I felt positive and clear in my mind.  The anxiety has subsided a bit and I am going to enjoy the rest of this day.  That shouldn't be too hard since I am meeting a good friend to catch up after work!

And hold your own

Know your name

And go your own way

And everything will be fine

Everything will be fine

 

Jason Mraz .

And she keeps on running...

I am not even sure how to start this entry as I haven't written in a while.  Since I wrote last, I have ran 3 times. Saturday I met my new running group, Team Philly!  We ran in Philly near Kelly Drive.  I met some great women who also are running in the marathon but went out looking for support and encouragement like me.  They seem like confident runners but many of them like me, are also taking on this new challenge.  It was nice to feel like part of something and to have people around me that were nervous about their aspiring goals that are before them.  On Saturday we went for a 6 mile run and about 6 of us stuck together and finished in exactly 60 minutes.  There was some nice conversation along they way and other times there was silence.  No one felt forced to speak but I think everyone was happy to have someone by their side. I know I was.  Although running is pretty much as individual a sport you come by, there is something to be said about having a running partner.  Sometimes just a little conversation can make a mile feel like nothing.  Yesterday, I ran with a friend and it was just like that... Before we knew it our 5 miler was complete and we both agreed it would have been harder if we were alone.  Glad it was mutual!

Overall most of these blogs seem to be pretty positive.  I think that is b/c I usually write them soon after running and have what they call a "runners high" and  plus I am really excited about my goal... But unfortunately I am not positive all the time.  I have had some ups and downs lately and although I have pushed through them I still know there is a very long road ahead of me and I am severely frightened about that challenges I still have to face.

When running, all I have is time and all I do is think.  Lately I have been thinking about roadblocks or challenges that I have had to overcome in the past. Thinking about the past has helped me remind myself that I have gotten through hard times before and I can get through this one as well.    When I was 14 I had back surgery and was out of school for over month.  It was very difficult as it was my first year in high school and I was sitting home!  I felt alone and isolated.  It was even worse once I could move around and started feeling better but  but still had to stay home.  I do remember my dad letting me go out with friends one night even though my mom didn't want me too.  He could see that I needed to go out and let go with the girls for a bit. 

Before I returned to school in November, my father died of a heart attack.  It was a life changing event and one that still affects me to this day.  It was incredibly hard going back to school only 5 days after my father's death but nothing would keep me away. I was glad to be back into a routine rather than moping around the house but little did I know this emotional roller coaster would bring on many new challenges in my life for many years to come.  I remember freshman year being very sad. I remember crying in science for no reason once and getting made fun of.  (I  now know that grief and sadness due to a loss of a loved one can come on at the strangest times.)  I think back to this time and realize it could have been much worse. I could have went down a very depressing path and made very poor choices... But I didn't. I mean, I won't sit here and say I am perfect and that I didn't go through some depression at times but overall I think I ended up learning from these experiences and am stronger for it.  And I think the best choice I ever made in my life was to play lacrosse and field hockey once I was finally allowed to play sports again as a sophomore.  I remember my friends Kate and Jana telling me I would be good at Lacrosse and wouldn't you know, I wasn't half bad. I even went on to play in college and became captain of my team at Montclair.   State Senior year. To this day I believe sports kept me out of trouble (real trouble anyway) and started me on my running path.  Ironically I despised running in college and only did it when forced but sports taught me so much about pushing myself beyond my limits and overcoming adversity! 
  I think my dad would be proud of me today and I know he will be with me while I am running. 

Running is not a fashion show

Yesterday I ran with my hydration belt for the first time. I was a bit apprehensive about wearing it while running, partly bc I thought it would be uncomfortable and partly bc I think it looks a little silly on me. But it's hot out there and running is not a fashion show so I clipped it on and out I went. To my surprise it was snug and did not bounce like I thought it would. Having water with me while running definitely made a difference in my performance even though it was hot, hot, hot! I felt so great that I didn't even care that the belt sits a little high on my waist and probably looks funny, especially not when I was so thankful to have my h2o! I Ran 4 miles, which took me 40 minutes. It looks like I have been pretty consistent with a 10 minute mile but I know as distance increases, I will need to slow it down.

On another note, my husband and I are finally going on vacation in one week to rehoboth beach. I am so excited to go for jogs by the beach and in the town of rehoboth . I also am looking forward to rest, relaxation and rejuvenation before the beginning of the new school year and before training gets more intense.

Well today is a rest day from running. I am going to go to a yoga class though as it helps so much with stretching and helping me to keep a positive state of mind. Yoga also has taught me to let go of fear, try new things and live more in the moment.

Painting is done also which feels so good. It is a wonderful feeling when accomplishments
have been completed. I have been thinking about painting our bathroom for a long time and finally saw the project through. Crossing it off the list!

Well time to go do laundry. The more I run and exercise the more loads of laundry I have waiting for me!!

And then she rested...

I have been thinking a lot about the challenges that stand before me.  This is not just about running and it isn't about one race.  Its about committing to something long term through good times and also very tough times. I have been thinking about the running group I joined.  I even had some feedback from you all as well and I greatly appreciate it.  I definitely see it as important and actually I see it as a necessity as mileage increases.  For some reason though, I just feel like the group is missing something - camaraderie perhaps?  Not sure but it is just a feeling I have...
 I have known about another group for a while now called Team Philly (you may have heard of them).  They meet on Saturdays at Kelley Drive for long runs as well as have other runs during the week.  The runs are coached and you also get a training program and a nifty jersey, lol, as well as much more.  It actually costs money to join and that is why I was apprehensive.  But then I got to thinking that the cost wasn't much more than I spend on other treats I enjoy like haircuts, pedicures, going out to dinner... So I decided to make the commitment, signed up and am happy.  The group has about 55 members and I am excited. I am also excited to get some feedback about my running as well.  The first run is this Sat and it is a 6 miler.  I will make sure to be hydrated and ready to run.  More to come.  Back to resting!!

Enjoy the silence

I haven't written since saturday bc our computer is not working. I have been resorting to the iPhone to type the last few blogs and it is not my favorite way to write down my thoughts. But it's weird, I feel the need to write. It really helps me reflect on my training. Sunday was a rest day for me...sort of. I say sort of bc Brian and I have been tackling some house projects such as painting the upstairs hallway and bathroom as well as some ceiling painting. We did a lot on Sunday and at the end of the day I was tired. I wonder if my body really got the rest that it needed.
On Monday, I ran 5k distance in 29 minutes! It is funny in hindsight bc about a quarter mile into the run my iPod stopped working. I went to fix it but then decided I didn't need it. From that point on, I focused on my speed. I told myself I could finish in under 30 minutes and I did. It felt great to challenge myself and I was happy with my finish.

Today, I got up and was very tired. After running last night, I helped paint a little bit as well as did some other little things and I think it all hit me in the morning. I told myself, "it's a running day so get out there!" It was a hard run. My legs were heavy and it felt humid. I got through it and at the end sprinted a few times but still I felt defeated.
Am I doing too much between all the house stuff and the exercise?
Tomorrow is a rest day and I am looking forward to it. I want to get some stretching and push ups/situps/yoga in there but I promise I will be kind to my body. It's telling me it needs some rest.
As I reflect on the 2 runs, I think it is interesting that the one that was better and more enjoyable was the one where I did not listen to music. I think it's probably a good idea to
run minus iPods from time to time. It's tough bc music really motivates me, but on monday, it was all me! It was also very refreshing to listen to the sounds around me such as birds, the breeze and my footsteps. Since I do usually listen to music, these sounds were a bit new to me and I liked that.
On another note, I read something today that said take care of your body today so you will
be able to run better tomorrow. As training gets more intense, I know I am going to have to push myself beyond my conceivable limit. But I also need to remember that there will not be a marathon
for me unless I listen to what my body is telling me.